Why I Call Women's Shelters, "Women’s Village"
Thank you for your interest in the Big Girls on the Move crowdfunding campaign. It has been my great privilege to work in women’s homeless and domestic violence shelters for over 30 years. I generally refer to these community settings as the Women’s Village.
Recently something happened at the shelter where I was hosting the Art of Change personal development program. I have witnessed it many times over the years and it can be summed up in two words.
Compassion and Generosity.
Read moreZonta, Advocacy and Women’s Empowerment
I was invited by Naomi Reschke to present at the Zonta District 23 Combined Advocacy meeting over this long weekend. Zonta is dynamic, international women’s service organisation that was founded in 1919 and according to Wikipedia: The organisation's name derives from the Lakota zónta meaning "honest" or "trustworthy"(source Wikipedia)
It was a great privilege to share some of the stories from behind the doors of domestic violence shelters where women with enormous courage and resilience are supported on their journey of change in what I think of as the Women’s Village.
I began my presentation by sharing a poem I wrote called The Dream She Has and the Nightmare She is Living (see below) followed by some of the creative tools and programs that we offer to women who arrive at the point of crisis and are deeply traumatised and facing an uncertain future.
The following are some of the key points summarised here for the Zonta members who expressed interest in the Big Girls on the Move- 20 boxes of coloring books in 20 shelters campaign.https://www.gofundme.com/big-girls-on-the-move
The Mandala colouring page accompanied my presentation and some of the Zonta women experienced how members of the Colouring and Conversation Circles in domestic violence shelters enjoy the colouring"MedARTation" of colouring as they listen and share in the stories of domestic violence and walking the courageous journey of recovery.
- When women and children arrive at a domestic violence shelter there is an important adjustment period of settling into the safe and secure environment. Although there are issues that will need to be addressed immediately such as income support, medical appointments, police reports and children’s schooling, the immediate concerns are for safety and security. It is a very stressful time and as one woman said: I am finding it really hard to think clearly.
- Simple, stress free activities such as colouring a Mandala are a relaxing way to soothe the mind, relax the breathing and create something colourful and beautiful in the midst of an unpleasant experience.
- The feedback from participants of Colouring and Conversation Circles highlight that when the hands are free to create and colour as information is being delivered or women are sharing their stories, there is a level of engagement that is very different than the sitting still, eyes to the front process of information sharing.
- Colouring and conversation circles create a peaceful, reflective space where new friendships are formed and the MedARTative process enables a deeper connection to the inner self at a time when doubt and uncertainty can have a damaging impact on self esteem and self worth.
The Dream She has and the Nightmare She is Living
Today a woman, somewhere woke up and said I can't do this anymore
She has been living in domestic violence with a controlling partner for too long
and today something was different
She couldn't put a name to it but she saw him through different eyes.
She began to think new thoughts, or listen to some
that have been trying to break through her denial
and her hope that "he will change"
Today she began the first step in leaving.
She won't leave immediately and she has a very long road ahead of her.
She will be both inspired and terrified, resolved and doubtful.
In a few weeks or months time
we will meet her and her children in a domestic violence shelter.
That place of refuge and support won't be the end of her journey of Leaving,
it will continue to be a long and complicated road for quite some time.
There will be housing issues, court cases,
perhaps hospital appointments and school meetings.
She will have to tell her story to strangers who are counsellors,
strangers who work in government departments
and strangers who work at the shelter.
She will be raw and vulnerable, exposed and feeling powerless and uncertain.
She may think of going home,
back to him and the life she wanted to have but will never be because the
dream she has will never be compatible with the nightmare she has been living.
Sometimes imagining an ideal, a better future with an unsuitable man
can be easier than dealing with the process of leaving.
Or so it seems.
It's easy to forget how terrified you were when the unknown future is so terrifying.
She will be anxious for her pets she had to leave behind and all of her personal things
like photos and precious letters might be destroyed because she left.
We don't know who she is - or perhaps we do
and we don't know when she will leave -or perhaps she did, today.
but what we can do is offer her our thoughts of encouragement,
strength, healing and empowerment
and in doing so we make a difference by contributing positive energy
and support
at a time when she feels her world has begun to change like never before...
It takes a Village.
Carol Omer
Dedicated to Janet 16th September 1959 -8th September 2001
Something you may not know about domestic violence shelters.
I have been working in domestic violence shelters for many years and The Big Girls on the Move campaign is inspired by the many stories of courage, generosity, resilience and grace that I have encountered across a wide range of women’s services.
The funding of the first box of colouring books that will be delivered to the new domestic violence education centre reflects something that I have witnessed many times over the years I have worked in shelters and it can be summed up in two words.
Compassion and Generosity.
Here is an example:
We were getting ready to start our Art of Change group at one of the regional dv shelters. Coffee cups filled, table ready with the art supplies and The Big Girls Little Coloring Book when a staff member came in with two large boxes.
“These have been donated. Take what you would like.”
Before our eyes a knitted rainbow appeared, scarves, gloves, knitted hats and teddy bears, lovingly stitched together by a group of women who care. The teddies are called trauma Teddy’s and are given as a comfort bear for children in shelters who are coping with losing their home and the trauma of domestic violence.
The knitting volunteers care about the women, often viewing them as sisters and daughters and mothers and they care about their children.
I have seen this happen many times over the years.
Knitted blankets, baby clothes, donations of books, personal care products (thank you to the generosity of The Body Shop over many years) clothes and kitchen goods all make their way through the shelter doors.
There are the mobile crèche volunteers who contribute their time to women’s shelters so we can have child care during the domestic violence education groups and at Christmas time hampers, food vouchers and invitations to community Christmas parties arrive from agencies and churches.
Sometimes there will be tickets to the circus donated to a shelter, cinema passes and free gym membership because people who are in the community really want to make a difference and offering their resources is a way of saying:
My heart feels for you, I want to contribute to your recovery and quality of life if I can.
At a women’s housing organisation their Christmas party event included a huge donation of electrical goods and household products from a company that put “action” to their vision of corporate contribution .
When I am invited to speak at forums that are often concerned with statistics and data, policies and funding issues, I emphasise that in amongst those things that define the every day business of a domestic violence shelter, there is also a profound demonstration that the myth of our society as being uncaring and indifferent is simply not true!
I like to share stories about domestic violence shelters as a Women’s Village because the term evokes the sense of community and connection that is core to the way shelters operate.
I have also met many men who contribute to the gardening, house maintenance, who offer their time as Father Christmas and others who support their wives and partners who work in domestic violence shelters.
I was involved in a Facebook conversation lately with a group of women who said they wanted to do something to assist women in shelters, they didn’t have much money, they march during White Ribbon week and write letters but they’d like to do something practical. I told them that one of the most inexpensive but much needed resources in women’s shelters are nappies and personal care products especially sanitary products .
Their response was immediate and generous and they made a contribution after holding a morning tea.
These things make a huge difference in shelter settings as does a packet of colouring pencils and mandalas for colouring for women who are under enormous pressure and experiencing not only stress but a sense of confinement behind the locked gates of a safe house.
You may not know this about domestic violence shelters where, paradoxically women who have often been treated very poorly and are at great risk are recognised by others as deserving of love and care and nurturing and it is a very humbling thing to witness.
I just wanted to share this today because the image of that beautiful knitted rainbow that spilt across the table and the smiles and joy of women who are sorting through so much chaos in the early days of leaving a violent relationship, was too sacred not to share.
If you would like to learn more about The Big Girls on the Move crowd funding campaign, to place 20 boxes of colouring books into 20 women’s shelters, please click this link.
We would love for you to share it with your friends!
Why do colouring books for women make such a difference in domestic violence shelters?
Have you ever wondered why colouring books for women are so popular right across the world and how they are making a difference in domestic violence shelters?
Have you noticed how many articles and news segments, Facebook posts and blogs have appeared in the last couple of year about the phenomenal rise in colouring books for adults? They are even in supermarkets alongside of the magazines and newspapers!
I am thrilled that the best kept secret in women's personal development is now reaching audiences far and wide!
I call it a medARTation because the hands and creative imagination are involved in the relaxing, meditative process.
I have been creating mandala colouring pages for women for over 20 years and have seen the tremendously positive impact of colouring first hand!
In domestic violence shelters and prisons I meet many women who have told me that colouring a mandala is one of the best ways to relax because they experience a sense of being “in the moment” during the colouring process.
This inner connection often opens up old doorways to talents and interests that have long been forgotten.
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